yar yar topical

Pluto snuck up behind earth, the blue planet completely unaware of what was about to happen. With the quick and silent hands of an assassin, Earth was split at the throat and Pluto feasted on people.

A fresh disease

"WELCOME!" he shouted while tearing off his shirt, "TO THE MOST MAGNIFICENT THIRD NIPPLE ON THE FUCKING PLANET!"

He squeezed his grape-sized mammary and a white fluid began flowing through the laughing crowd.

"GET IT WHILE IT'S HOT OR GO HOME CRYING," he chortled, turning around and getting the other side of the circus tent.

"YALL EVER TASTED SUCH FRESH MILK? NAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW"

the truth in puzzle form

They felt the stares beating down on them like a father who knows how to parent his children. The breathing caused a vortex, much like hurricane katrina (which killed thousands of people), and huge dragonflies crashed into giant plants as if planes into buildings on september 11th, 2001. The sun glinted off of millions of dashing ants, reflecting brightly as if on fire, as if being gassed like jews during the holocaust on their way to a kkk rally. The raptors jumped from the dense leaves like gooks during vietnam and pushed Jane to the ground, reminding her that she was raped as a child because she was a pansy. The only survivor was Bobiqua Shaneliquan because even dinosaurs have standards.

a whip and a volcano

There once was a boy named matt who was a fuck and didn't appreciate all the great things God gave to him so Andy fed him pickles.

Penguin extinction

It happened before he could do anything about it. He tried to stop, but his beak smashed down on the shell, causing it to splinter like a tree when you hit it with something. He tasted his child's flesh and he enjoyed it. The surrounding group stared in dismay as they watched one of their own eat his young, but they realized they were really hungry from fucking sitting on eggs for 7 months.


They dined.

shame

If you let magicians lie to you, what does that say about your morals?

the paths we remember

I have a scar from grating parmesan cheese too rigorously.

We don't all get what we want, you greedy bastard

My bones are made of pretzels. When I walk, it tastes salty. I wish I had a cinnamon skeleton.

I swam through the pudding. It seemed like days, though I knew not time any better than I knew myself. I was on a quest to discover the meaning of me. I was a pansy. They threw me out of the wigwam because I couldn't skin the rabbit. I watched as it blinked without motion into my pansy soul. I was cast into the pudding for not being a man, but I was going to find the Hormones of legends and become a firefighter


I'll come back for you, rabbit. And I'll bite your head off.

The forbidden chain

It dangled like a one of those things they used to kill jesters but i forgot their name but they're metal and fall and cut off your head and gotcha the clown escapes in a perry bible fellowship strip. fuck this, the moment is over. go away.

the secrets of pi

12 3 4 5 6 7 8 8 9 20 10 11 12 13 1 4 15 16 17 128 19 202020202020202020 !

uh oh zombies

Oh. Hello there. I didn't see you watching me. Would you like to come in? I was just knitting. What? You want to know what I'm knitting? I'm knitting a canon. Yes, canon, not cannon. It prints . A dream canon. You don't know what a dream canon is? It's very simple. You put the dream canon on and you are propelled into wonderous lands of dreams! Go on, give it a try. That's right. Just like that. No, you shouldn't be able to breathe. Don't worry about that. That's how it works. You have to give to gain the secret dream knowledge. Give your sweet, sweet life that is. Yes. YES. I LOVE IT WHEN THEY TURN BLUE. YES. I AM GOING TO KISS YOU NOW AND YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

Andy walked into the room, damp with a hazy smoke and other adjectives before every single word. There stood an angled figure, perched sharply among the dense flaming sun. It was Matt. He was sneezing like a cherry. He dropped his box of chocolates and bellowed like a steam engine at his obtuse pal in the shivering door frame.
"OY ANDY OW YOU ANDY LOOK AT ME I'M HAGRID"
"MAGIC SPELL"

the end

The music from the cellar

there was some music from downstairs and it was sorta spooky so Melody opened the door and there was a ghost boo